Indi Ink Writing Challenge: Kissing Eve..

So I  got myself in to the Indie Ink writing challenge and got myself a topic =). I was given a topic by Runaway Sentence  which was as follows;   "write a story containing the line, "Damn, I really wish I hadn't done that.""    So I took up the challenge and here is the entry  =) . Do know this is not a personal experience =) . Hope you like it, Cheers !!

The time was around 4:30 on a mild , hot Sunday afternoon. The weekend has been a boring one for me and I was trying my best to find a way to make it a little bit exciting and fun. I felt that nothing was going to happen  and my mind convinced me that I should sleep off the rest of the day so I can go fresh to work tomorrow. That is when I got a call from my friend Adam.

I met Adam at College . He was a guy who had plenty of ambitions and with a rich family background he had a lot of girls coming after him . I met him while working on an assignment and since then we have become very good friends. So he called me and said the following

Adam :  Charlie my man how are you doing today ? You got anything planned  for tonight ?

Me:  No Mate, Nothing at all ..its a shitty day and I am totally bored. Why did you ask ?

Adam:  That's Great to hear man, well you know what.. I have finally asked out Eve  and we are going out for a movie tonight. The movie is called "My Best Friend's Wedding" would you like to join us ?

At first when I heard the above statement I was stunned.  Eve was studying with us in college together and Adam and I both had a crush on her.  I was madly in love with Eve but since she was a girl who came from a rich family I didn't try to go after her.  But, I still had a crush on her.. I was in love with her..

So with all these feelings inside, when I heard that Adam was taking her out  I felt sad, So I took a moment and replied.

Me: Oh so you asked her out?  good for you man, errr I don't know if I should come  after all you guys should go alone and have a great time

But Adam insisted that I should come; so with his persistence not stopping and I being so badly in need of something to do, I finally decided to join him and Eve to go and watch the movie.

So I was at the theater  around half and hour early where then I saw Adam coming with Eve towards me.  Eve was Beautiful .. her eyes were like stars glowing in the evening sunshine..her smile was beautiful like a rose.. her hair was nicely combed and falling down beneath her shoulders.. in every sense she was a beautiful woman and my inner sense was keep on telling me that I should have asked her out during college where then she also showed me some interest.

Eve was surprised to see me at first , but then Adam told her that he invited me too.

"I heard Charlie was bored today, so I invited him for the movie with us,  Two Guys and a Girl .. That's Pretty Awesome eh ?" chuckled Adam before he went to collect the tickets.  Eve and I was just looking at each other but never whispered a word. My heart was beating like a drum.. with all the feelings locked in my heart, we went  inside. Eve sat between me and Adam and I laid back and stared at the screen as the movie started .
While the movie was rolling on , I saw Eve sitting next to me. We were in the beach .. watching the sunset together holding hands . She also didn't take her hand away and were watching on as the sun slowly went down the ocean.. she looked at me and I looked at  her... Our eyes were transfixed at each other as she smiled towards me.. my heart was beating faster that I ever knew.. I was sweating in a heap but my focus was on Eve as I kept gazing at her eyes .. admiring her beauty. Suddenly, she  leaned toward me.. and I knew she wanted me to kiss her..I took my time .. and then gently kissed her lips.. I felt I was in heaven.. I felt I was in my own dreamworld with my queen Eve beside me..

Suddenly , I heard a loud noise and  I felt a big pain ..I felt my chin was stung by a swam of bees.. I opened my eyes.. I realized what has happened.

There stood Adam.. with fire burning in his eyes and pumping like a pitbull..  and beside him was Eve with tears in her eyes.. Adam growled at me..

Adam What the Hell Man ? Who do you think you are ?  I take you out for a movie with us and what you do ? You kiss my Girlfriend ? Your are going to pay for this Charlie Green..  I thought you were my friend.. 

I realized what I have done.. I have kissed Eve while watching the movie and the whole beach story I witnessed was a dream.. I felt like "Damn, I really wish I hadn't done that."" but deep inside I felt I did the correct thing since It was a kiss given with feelings.. not a kiss given with lust , hatred or revenge.   

Adam didn't speak another word and took Eve by his hand and went away.. I slowly got up and walked out of the theater thinking about all that has happened during the past few hours. It was a bittersweet moment  and in the end a boring weekend turned out to be pretty eventful one.

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  Dinuka Arseculeratne

7:58 AM

gr8 write up. small thing i noted is it should be myself and adam not me and adam as i believe its grammatically wrong... but then again im no expert :D.. cool imagination bro.. awesome


8:23 AM

Actually it should be Adam and I.

Nice write up though.

  Chamindra H

9:11 AM

@Dinuka: Thank You So Much Bro.. =) I made the change I am also not an expert in Grammar either hehe
Cheers !!

@Anon: Thank you pointing out the error =) and thank you for the comment =) Cheers !!


10:51 AM

stopping by from indieink. interesting way to go with your prompt! i enjoyed it. welcome to the challenge, hope you'll stick around!


7:55 PM

Adam and Eve...sounds like a match made for paradise (except for Charlie, of course).

This was a really nice direction to go, and there was just enough intrigue to keep me interested throughout the story. Welcome to the challenge!

  Chamindra H

4:17 AM

@Alyssa: Thank you Alyssa for stopping by and the comment =). Glad you liked the post =). I will stick around for sure.. =) Hope to hear more from you. Cheers !!

@Supermaren: Thank You Maren for your comments =) and Thank you for the opportunity too . This is the first time i contested a writing challenge and I hope I did justice to my topic with it. Hope to see the next challenge soon..
Cheers !!

  D. R. Rux

2:34 PM

I liked the story on the whole, however I found some errors that would need to be fixed. First of all your verb tense seems to be all over. You start in past tense, then quickly shift to present tense then switch back and forth throughout the entire story. You really should pick one and stay with it.

Second is when you use dialog within the story. I haven't read much of your work otherwise, but you seem to use the screenplay type dialog rather than short story dialog. Get rid of the names in front of the dialog and give us an action afterward that would solidify who is talking when.

Other than that, I liked the story very much.


7:53 PM

oh how much do i love this line? "I was sweating in a heap but my focus was on Eve as I kept gazing at her eyes..." keep on writing, keep on.

  Chamindra H

11:48 PM

@D.R Rux: Thank you So Much for the feedback but what I didn't get is the suggestion you made regarding he tense. Would appreciate if you could elaborate more on that since I am very eager to learn to improve my writing . Overall I am glad you liked the post =) Hope to hear more from you soon =) Cheers !!

@Marian: Thank you So Much for the Compliments and Wishes and Thank you for giving me the Topic =) I hope I made justice to that.. =) Kit
Cheers !!

  Debra Ann Elliott

6:26 AM

Overall a great story. Thanks for stopping by.


7:49 AM

Stopping by from Indieink ...

This was a good story and a nice way to enter the challenge - welcome. It's my second week so I can almost imagine how you feel.

I did notice a couple of earlier comments and wasn't sure if I was speaking out of turn in offering some assistance, but if you want to discuss a few pointers, my email address is:

... if you don't mind that is?

  Random Girl

10:03 AM

Nice take on the II challenge. The story concept kept my attention the whole way through and I could almost feel how nervous Charlie was throughout. Good job!

  Chamindra H

9:00 AM

@Debra: Thank You Debra and You are Welcome! =)

@Stefan: Thanks mate for offering help yes I would love to get some tips I'll add you in my Gtalk cheers !! =)

@Random Girl: Thank You RG.. Glad you Enjoyed it.. =)

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