Depression.. Realization .. Change..Happiness.. Grit & Determination

Last friday became a day that Ill never forget in life.. The day had all the things that I have mentioned in the heading of this post but in the end meverything turned out well and gave me a new light towards life.
Well it all happended in my Uni where friends in my Uni started asking me questions on what I have done on my final year project. well as normal people do I told them what I did.In my final year project there s this research part which you have to do in order to do the project successfully now I was conceous about it and I during the whole past week I was researching like shit going through various websites and journals in order to do my research well. and my efforts didnt went in vain since I got a lot of good data and information for my project which I can use for my project succesfully.
Now when I went to Uni on friday my friends were coming after me mainly to ask what I have done and as a friend they I also replied but later they went one step over board and asked for my research( now what do you call these kind of people? friends or foes??? )well i was in two minds cos these people were doing a project which was similar to me. So I did something which would make things even I gave them only the links.

Well now you must be thinking "This guy is stupid" yea of course I also felt that way when I was returning home that day on the bus my mind was cursing me for doing such a thing and It was soo unbearable that I told my mom the whole situation after coming home and also I told my dad about the whole story and at that instance the real drama began.

I was asking my dad for help for me to get over this problem of telling people and talking to people on every damn thing and helping people all the time and what he said was "dont talk all the time.. dont speak unnecerssarliy use your words wisely"
I was in sobs at this moment cos I knew I havent done anything wrong but what my dad said was "dont be the "good guy" you are now if you want to be like that go to the jungle and meditate cos you cant live in this world". I was really mad about this fact and even shouted in tears in front of my family that I want to leave this country soon after my degree cos I dont want to stay and work in a country which goess this way.." I was soo distraught and I was crying like a baby the most part of that night cos the pain I had was really unbreable even my dad was sad too cos he was surprised to see me reacting soo ruthlessly to the situation and he didnt have a good sleep to .. the reason me...

That night .. after a lot of sobbing.. I took some decisions that i thought I'll never take in my life.. the first one is to stop being the good guy I used to be never love anyone else other than my family and myself, be ruthless in my approach and prevent anyone from getting in my way in acheieving my goals and objectives,talk less and talk if someone asks me something, never to be dependent on friends and have less friends and the last and the most important decision "not to leave this country, survive in it, achieve my goals and desires and show this world what sort of a person I am "

The next day I was really happy and I apologized to my parents for my reactions uring the previous nights. They both patted me on the back and gave me their blessings and I thank god a million times for giving me such wonderful parents. there advice was interesting too and I took all of them to my heart. My mom told me about her brothers ( my uncles) who were killed by some criminals for being the good guys they used to be and my dad told me about the current state of the world which is just a business world wherwe people try to achieve success no matter what happens to the others. all in all I took all of that advice deep into my mind and soul and with the decisions I also changed my attitude and my lifestlye and now I got a new motto to life as well

"Life is a Business.. only the BEST stays afloat and SURVIVE.. and I will survive in evey way even if it takes me to buy the Sun and the Moon or go to Mars..No one will stop me from now on and forvever"

I will live according to the above motto from now onwards..and you know I am really happy about it and I am sure it will work wonders for me since the current world is more shittier than I thought and I wont survive if I dont be a piece of shit and become a part of this shitty world. but now I am happy cos I am a part of it now yea.. I am a piece of shit !!!


After all of this in a corner of my heart I still feel sad and depressed cos "I really love being a good , cheerful , laughing guy" but unfortunately this country and this world doesnt deserve my good side they want my bad side and I am gonna give them the bad side to the fullest even if its a heavy price that would even cos my life...

~~~ F**k Peace ~~~




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6 comments:

  Feather man

2:11 AM

I feel like you are passing a very critical emotional phase in your life now. Its really hard for me to tell u what to do exactly since Im not a doctor or a mind master at all. But I know one thing for sure.

The good you do will rise. Maybe now, maybe later or maybe when you are totally gone. Bad has no long life we all know that. You have to love the community and you have to love the country. That’s where you are and you cant do without them. But you should know the limits. It’s the most important thing. These limits vary from person to person so find yours. Just stick to it. But remember there are times that you need to cross it. Then people will scold u or treat u like a shit bag. But eventually they will know.

  Disease

6:27 AM

FM :- Yea man I know what you mean someday the good I do will pay off but the thing is it hasn't done any good thing to me thats why i am frustrated and started to act bad for a while and see how people will respond. Most people today take good people as dummies and take advantage of them and I dont wanna be a dummy any more I am sick of it.
But that doesnt mean Ill stop doing good I will do it only for people who deserves it .. I might do the good for the bad as well but only if they want it otherwise no point isnt it?

Anyways lets c how it goes and to tell you the truth I am loving every bit of this new change :-)

Thank U very much for your advice :)

  Feather man

8:39 PM

Dude u scare me LOL
May the force be with you :D

  Lady divine

10:44 PM

You don't have to stop being the good guy.. Only good guys will survive in the end..

You just need to be wise in your actions and all.. You shouldn't have given out all the info in the first place.. not so much anyway

but it's done now and just try to make things better for yourself.. the evil guys, they don't realise that their worst nightmares are waiting for them.

something i realised about you, you tend to think too much... that could actually be bad sometimes...

you've got us on ur blog to help you out.. but don't stop being the good guy.. ok..:-)

life is never fair.. thru all these incidents and mistakes we do, there's something to learn out of them.. take them as lessons and try not to repeat them Disease..:-)

You'll be fine.. always remember "everything happens for a reason"..

  Disease

1:40 AM

LD: Thanks LD for your advice and concern yea i know what you mean but i got a really big problem i always do the wrong things and I cant make them ryte :( The situations takes the better of me and I do things I dont wanna do ...

But this time I got sick of it..so i thought at least staying in a bad mood will help me to take the correct decision for a while. sayig no to all the things and saying yes to the things that are important to me only not to others.

But there again i realized you cant so that as well.. hmmmm.. this is hard but i am learning to cope with it to the best of my ability.


I 'll still be the good guy but if people want put a price tag on it.. then i dont know I guess I have to act accordng to that situation isn;t it?

Thanks for All your advice really appreciate it. I sometimes think that having blogger friends are better than having the ones the beside me.. and Its true to a high percent :-)

  Disease

5:36 AM

FM man dont be scared lol Its just me acting according to the situation thats all hehe :-)

 
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